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From the OWL resource Conciseness
Changing Phrases
1. Change phrases into single-words and adjectives
Using phrases to convey meaning that could be presented in a single word contributes to wordiness. Convert phrases into single words when possible.
Wordy: The employee with ambition...
(4 words)
Concise: The ambitious employee...
(3 words)
Wordy: The department showing the
best performance... (6 words)
Concise: The best-performing
department... (4 words)
Wordy: Jeff Converse, our chief of
consulting, suggested at our last board meeting the installation of
microfilm equipment in the department of data processing. (23
words)
Concise: At our last board meeting,
Chief Consultant Jeff Converse suggested that we install microfilm
equipment in the data processing department. (20 words)
Wordy: We read the letter we
received yesterday and reviewed it thoroughly.
Concise: We thorougly read the
letter we received yesterday.
Wordy: As you carefully read what
you have written to improve your wording and catch small errors of
spelling, punctuation, and so on, the thing to do before you do anything
else is to try to see where a series of words expressing action could
replace the ideas found in nouns rather than verbs. (53 words)
Concise: As you edit, first find
nominalizations that you can replace with verb phrases. (13 words)
2. Change unnecessary that, who, and which clauses into phrases
Using a clause to convey meaning that could be presented in a phrase or even a word contributes to wordiness. Convert modifying clauses into phrases or single words when possible.
Wordy: The report, which was
released recently... (6 words)
Concise: The recently released
report... (4 words)
Wordy: All applicants who are
interested in the job must... (9 words)
Concise: All job applicants must...
(4 words)
Wordy: The system that is most
efficient and accurate... (8 words)
Concise: The most efficient and
accurate system... (6 words)'
3. Change Passive Verbs into Active Verbs
See our document on active and passive voice for a more thorough explanation of this topic.
Wordy: An account was opened by Mrs.
Simms. (7 words)
Concise: Mrs. Simms opened an
account. (5 words)
Wordy: Your figures were checked by
the research department. (8 words)
Concise: The research department
checked your figures. (6 words)