From the OWL resource Conciseness
This resource was written by Purdue OWL.
Last full revision by Ryan Weber.
Last edited by Nick Hurm on September 20th 2006 at 3:18PM
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Eliminating Words
1. Eliminate words that explain the obvious or provide excessive
detail
Always consider readers while drafting and revising writing. If
passages explain or describe details that would already be obvious to
readers, delete or reword them. Readers are also very adept at filling in
the non-essential aspects of a narrative, as in the fourth example.
Wordy: I received your inquiry that
you wrote about tennis rackets yesterday, and read it thoroughly. Yes, we
do have... (19 words)
Concise: I received your inquiry
about tennis rackets yesterday. Yes, we do have...(12 words)
Wordy: It goes without saying that
we are acquainted with your policy on filing tax returns, and we have
every intention of complying with the regulations that you have mentioned.
(29 words)
Concise: We intend to comply with
the tax-return regulations that you have mentioned. (12 words)
Wordy: Imagine a mental picture of
someone engaged in the intellectual activity of trying to learn what the
rules are for how to play the game of chess. (27 words)
Concise: Imagine someone trying to
learn the rules of chess. (9 words)
Wordy: After booking a ticket to
Dallas from a travel agent, I packed my bags and arranged for a taxi to
the airport. Once there, I checked in, went through security, and was
ready to board. But problems beyond my control led to a three-hour delay
before takeoff. (47 words)
Concise: My flight to Dallas was
delayed for three hours. (9 words)
Wordy: Baseball, one of our oldest
and most popular outdoor summer sports in terms of total attendance at
ball parks and viewing on television, has the kind of rhythm of play on
the field that alternates between times when players passively wait with
no action taking place between the pitches to the batter and then times
when they explode into action as the batter hits a pitched ball to one of
the players and the player fields it. (77 words)
Concise: Baseball has a rhythm that
alternates between waiting and explosive action. (11 words)
2. Eliminate unnecessary determiners and modifiers
Writers sometimes clog up their prose with one or more extra words or
phrases that seem to determine narrowly or to modify the meaning of a noun
but don't actually add to the meaning of the sentence. Although such words
and phrases can be meaningful in the appropriate context, they are often
used as "filler" and can easily be eliminated.
Wordy: Any particular type of
dessert is fine with me. (9 words)
Concise: Any dessert is fine with
me. (6 words)
Wordy: Balancing the budget by
Friday is an impossibility without some kind of extra help. (14
words)
Concise: Balancing the budget by
Friday is impossible without extra help. (10 words)
Wordy: For all intents and purposes,
American industrial productivity generally depends on certain factors that
are really more psychological in kind than of any given technological
aspect. (26 words)
Concise: American industrial
productivity depends more on psychological than on technological factors.
(11 words)
Here's a list of some words and phrases that can often be pruned away
to make sentences clearer:
- kind of
- sort of
- type of
- really
- basically
- for all intents and purposes
- definitely
- actually
- generally
- individual
- specific
- particular
3. Omit repetitive wording
Watch for phrases or longer passages which repeat words with similar
meanings. Words that don't build on the content of sentences or paragraphs
are rarely necessary.
Wordy: I would appreciate it if you
would bring to the attention of your drafting officers the administrator's
dislike of long sentences and paragraphs in messages to the field and in
other items drafted for her signature or approval, as well as in all
correspondence, reports, and studies. Please encourage your section to
keep their sentences short. (56 words)
Concise: Please encourage your
drafting officers to keep sentences and paragraphs in letters, reports,
and studies short. Dr. Lomas, the administrator, has mentioned that
reports and memos drafted for her approval recently have been wordy and
thus time-consuming. (37 words)
Wordy: The supply manager considered
the correcting typewriter an unneeded luxury. (10 words)
Concise: The supply manager
considered the correcting typewriter a luxury. (9 words)
Wordy: Our branch office currently
employs five tellers. These tellers do an excellent job Monday through
Thursday but cannot keep up with the rush on Friday and Saturday. (27
words)
Concise: Our branch office currently
employs five tellers, who do an excellent job Monday through Thursday but
cannot keep up with Friday and Saturday rush periods. (25 words)
4. Omit Redundant Pairs
Many pairs of words imply each other. Finish implies complete, so the
phrase completely finish is redundant in most cases.
So are many other pairs of words:
- past memories
- various differences
- each individual _______
- basic fundamentals
- true facts
- important essentials
- future plans
- terrible tragedy
- end result
- final outcome
- free gift
- past history
- unexpected surprise
- sudden crisis
A related expression that's not redundant as much as it is illogical is
"very unique." Since unique means "one of a kind," adding modifiers of
degree such as "very," "so," "especially," "somewhat," "extremely," and so
on is illogical. One-of-a-kind-ness has no gradations; something is either
unique or it is not.
Wordy: Before the travel agent was
completely able to finish explaining the various differences among all of
the many very unique vacation packages his travel agency was offering, the
customer changed her future plans. (33 words)
Concise: Before the travel agent
finished explaining the differences among the unique vacation packages his
travel agency was offering, the customer changed her plans. (23
words)
5. Omit Redundant Categories
Specific words imply their general categories, so we usually don't have
to state both. We know that a period is a segment of time, that pink is a
color, that shiny is an appearance.
In each of the following phrases, the general category term can be
dropped, leaving just the specific descriptive word:
- large in size
- often times
- of a bright color
- heavy in weight
- period in time
- round in shape
- at an early time
- economics field
- of cheap quality
- honest in character
- of an uncertain condition
- in a confused state
- unusual in nature
- extreme in degree
- of a strange type
Wordy: During that time period, many
car buyers preferred cars that were pink in color and shiny in appearance.
(18 words)
Concise: During that period, many
car buyers preferred pink, shiny cars. (10 words)
Wordy: The microscope revealed a
group of organisms that were round in shape and peculiar in nature. (16
words)
Concise: The microscope revealed a
group of peculiar, round organisms. (9 words)
