Conciseness: Methods of Eliminating Wordiness
Brought to you by the Purdue University Online Writing Lab at http://owl.english.purdue.edu
For practice editing sentences to make them more concise, see our exercises
on this topic at http://owl.english.purdue.edu/handouts/general/gl_conciseEX1.html
1. Eliminate unnecessary determiners and modifiers
Writers sometimes clog up their prose with one or more extra words or
phrases that seem to determine narrowly or to modify the meaning of a
noun but don't actually add to the meaning of the sentence. Although such
words and phrases can be meaningful in the appropriate context, they are
often used as "filler" and can easily be eliminated.
Wordy
Any particular type of dessert is fine with me.
Balancing the budget by Friday is an impossibility without some
kind of extra help.
More Concise
Any dessert is fine with me.
Balancing the budget by Friday is impossible without extra help.
Here's a list of some words and phrases that can often be pruned away
to make sentences clearer:
|
kind of
sort of
type of
specific
|
really
basically
for all intents and purposes
particular
|
definitely
actually
generally
individual
|
Wordy
For all intents and purposes, American industrial productivity generally
depends on certain factors that are really more psychological in kind
than of any given technological aspect.
More Concise
American industrial productivity depends more on psychological than
on technological factors.
2. Change phrases into single words
Using phrases to convey meaning that could be presented in a single word
contributes to wordiness. Convert phrases into single words when possible.
Wordy
The employee with ambition...
The department showing the best performance...
Jeff Converse, our chief of consulting, suggested at our last
board meeting the installation of microfilm equipment in the
department of data processing.
As you carefully read what you have written to improve your wording
and catch small errors of spelling, punctuation, and so on, the thing
to do before you do anything else is to try to see where a series of
words expressing action could replace the ideas found in nouns rather
than verbs.
More Concise
The ambitious employee...
The best-performing department...
At our last board meeting, Chief Consultant Jeff Converse suggested
that we install microfilm equipment in the data processing department.
As you edit, first find nominalizations that you can replace with verb
phrases.
3. Change unnecessary that, who, and which clauses
into phrases
Using a clause to convey meaning that could be presented in a phrase
or even a word contributes to wordiness. Convert modifying clauses into
phrases or single words when possible.
Wordy
The report, which was released recently...
All applicants who are interested in the job must...
The system that is most efficient and accurate...
More Concise
The recently released report...
All job applicants must...
The most efficient and accurate system...
4. Avoid overusing expletives at the beginning of sentences
Expletives are phrases of the form it + be-verb or there
+ be-verb. Such expressions can be rhetorically effective for emphasis
in some situations, but overuse or unnecessary use of expletive constructions
creates wordy prose. Take the following example: "It is imperative that
we find a solution." The same meaning could be expressed with this more
succinct wording: "We must find a solution." But using the expletive construction
allows the writer to emphasize the urgency of the situation by placing
the word imperative near the beginning of the sentence, so the
version with the expletive may be preferable. Still, you should generally
avoid excessive or unnecessary use of expletives. The most common kind
of unnecessary expletive construction involves an expletive followed by
a noun and a relative clause beginning with that, which,
or who. In most cases, you can create a more concise sentence by
eliminating the expletive opening, making the noun the subject of the
sentence, and eliminating the relative pronoun.
Wordy
It is the governor who signs or vetoes bills.
There are four rules that should be observed: ...
There was a big explosion, which shook the windows, and
people ran into the street.
More Concise
The governor signs or vetoes bills.
Four rules should be observed:...
A big explosion shook the windows, and people ran into the street.
5. Use active rather than passive verbs
See our document on active and passive voice for a more thorough explanation
of this topic. It is located at http://owl.english.purdue.edu/handouts/grammar/g_actpass.html
Wordy
An account was opened by Mrs. Simms.
Your figures were checked by the research department.
More Concise
Mrs. Simms opened an account.
The research department checked your figures.
6. Avoid overusing noun forms of verbs
Use verbs when possible rather than noun forms known as nominalizations.
Sentences with many nominalizations usually have forms of be as
the main verbs. Using the action verbs disguised in nominalizations as
the main verbs--instead of forms of be--can help to create engaging
rather than dull prose.
Wordy
The function of this department is the collection of
accounts.
The current focus of the medical profession is disease
prevention.
More Concise
This department collects accounts.
The medical profession currently focuses on disease prevention.
7. Reword unnecessary infinitive phrases
Some infinitive phrases can be converted into finite verbs or brief noun
phrases. Making such changes also often results in the replacement of
a be-verb with an action verb.
Wordy
The duty of a clerk is to check all incoming mail and to
record it.
A shortage of tellers at our branch office on Friday and Saturday during
rush hours has caused customers to become dissatisfied with service.
More Concise
A clerk checks and records all incoming mail.
A teller shortage at our branch office on Friday and Saturday during
rush hours has caused customer dissatisfaction.
8. Replace circumlocutions with direct expressions
Circumlocutions are commonly used roundabout expressions that take several
words to say what could be said more succinctly. We often overlook them
because many such expressions are habitual figures of speech. In writing,
though, they should be avoided since they add extra words without extra
meaning. Of course, occasionally you may for rhetorical effect decide
to use, say, an expletive construction instead of a more succinct expression.
These guidelines should be taken as general recommendations, not absolute
rules.
Wordy
At this/that point in time...
In accordance with your request...
More Concise
Now/then...
As you requested...
Here are some other common circumlocutions that can be compressed into
just one word:
|
the reason for
for the reason that
owing/due to the fact that
in light of the fact that
considering the fact that
on the grounds that
this is why
|
=because, since, why
|
|
on the occasion of
in a situation in which
under circumstances in which
|
=when
|
|
as regards
in reference to
with regard to
concerning the matter of
where ________ is concerned
|
=about
|
|
it is crucial that
it is necessary that
there is a need/necessity for
it is important that
cannot be avoided
|
=must, should
|
|
is able
to
has the opportunity to
has the capacity for
has the ability to
|
=can
|
|
it is possible that
there is a chance that
it could happen that
the possibility exists for
|
=may, might, could
|
Wordy
It is possible that nothing will come of these preparations.
She has the ability to influence the outcome.
It is necessary that we take a stand on this pressing issue.
More Concise
Nothing may come of these preparations.
She can influence the outcome
We must take a stand on this pressing issue.
9. Omit words that explain the obvious or provide excessive detail
Be sure always to consider your readers as you draft and revise your
writing. If you find passages that explain or describe in detail what
would already be obvious to readers, delete or reword them.
Wordy
I received your inquiry yesterday. Yes, we do have...
It goes without saying that we are acquainted with your policy on filing
tax returns, and we have every intention of complying with the regulations
that you have mentioned.
Imagine a mental picture of someone engaged in the intellectual activity
of trying to learn what the rules are for how to play the game of chess.
Baseball, one of our oldest and most popular outdoor summer sports
in terms of total attendance at ball parks and viewing on television,
has the kind of rhythm of play on the field that alternates between
times when players passively wait with no action taking place between
the pitches to the batter and then times when they explode into action
as the batter hits a pitched ball to one of the players and the player
fields it.
More Concise
Yes, we do have...
We intend to comply with the tax-return regulations that you have mentioned.
Imagine someone trying to learn the rules of chess.
Baseball has a rhythm that alternates between waiting and explosive
action.
10. Omit repetitive wording
Watch for phrases or longer passages in your writing in which you repeat
words with similar meanings. Below are some general examples of unnecessary
repetition contrasted with more concise versions, followed by lists and
examples of specific redundant word pairs and categories.
Wordy
I would appreciate it if you would bring to the attention of your drafting
officers the administrator's dislike of long sentences and paragraphs
in messages to the field and in other items drafted for her signature
or approval, as well as in all correspondence, reports, and studies.
Please encourage your section to keep their sentences short.
The supply manager considered the correcting typewriter an unneeded
luxury.
Our branch office currently employs five tellers. These tellers
do an excellent job Monday through Thursday but cannot keep up with
the rush on Friday and Saturday.
More Concise
Please encourage your drafting officers to keep sentences and paragraphs
in letters, reports, and studies short. Dr. Lomas, the administrator,
has mentioned that reports and memos drafted for her approval recently
have been wordy and thus time-consuming.
The supply manager considered the correcting typewriter a luxury.
Our branch office currently employs five tellers, who do an excellent
job Monday through Thursday but cannot keep up with Friday and Saturday
rush periods.
Redundant Pairs
Many pairs of words imply each other. Finish implies complete,
so the phrase completely finish is redundant in most cases. So
are many other pairs of words:
|
past memories
various differences
each individual
basic fundamentals
true facts
important essentials
future plans
|
terrible tragedy
end result
final outcome
free gift
past history
unexpected surprise
sudden crisis
|
A related expression that's not redundant as much as it is illogical
is very unique. Since unique means "one of a kind," adding
modifiers of degree such as very, so, especially,
somewhat, extremely, and so on is illogical. One-of-a-kind-ness
has no gradations; something is either unique or it is not.
Wordy
Before the travel agent was completely able to finish explaining the
various differences among all of the many very unique vacation packages
his travel agency was offering, the customer changed her future plans.
More Concise
Before the travel agent finished explaining the differences among the
unique vacation packages his travel agency was offering, the customer
changed her plans.
Redundant Categories
Specific words imply their general categories, so we usually don't
have to state both. We know that a period is a segment of time, that
pink is a color, that shiny is an appearance. In each of the following
phrases, the general category term can be dropped, leaving just the
specific descriptive word:
|
large in size
often times
of a bright color
heavy in weight
period in time
round in shape
at an early time
economics field
|
of cheap quality
honest in character
of an uncertain condition
in a confused state
unusual in nature
extreme in degree
of a strange type
|
Wordy
During that time period, many car buyers preferred cars that were pink
in color and shiny in appearance.
The microscope revealed a group of organisms that were round in shape
and peculiar in nature.
More Concise
During that period, many car buyers preferred pink, shiny cars.
The microscope revealed a group of peculiar, round organisms.
|
